Does the Scale Matter??

I'm a bit late from last week... or early for this week.  I'll let you be the judge.  I've been thinking about what to write about and the same thing keeps popping up.  And it has nothing to do with parenting and yet it has everything to do with parenting.

My body image.  Yep, I just brought that up.  And yes, I struggle(d) with my body image.  I think that I should do my daughters a favor and love myself for I am.  I've been praying about this lately and listening to our pastor preach and the one thing that keeps coming back to me over and over is that God created me and gave me healthy, wonderful twin girls. Psalm 139:1 says "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  And the fact that I don't look like I used to shouldn't bother me, but it does.  Every time I look in the mirror, or at a fitness magazine or fashion on Pinterest, I wish I could look like I used to.  sigh  "But you have wonderful, beautiful girls.  Shouldn't that be enough?"  And maybe it should.  But it doesn't.  I want my husband to think I'm still hot and desirable.  And most of the time he does (except all winter when I'm in sweats!), but I (me, myself) want to feel sexy in lingerie.  Is that too much to ask?  And yes, I go to the gym and workout.  Heck, I'm in the best shape of my life.  I eat better than I ever have.  So why can't I like my body, naked and in front of the mirror????  Then I stepped off the scale… literally.  This was a daily habit for me.  Ritualistic, actually.  Get up, pee and step on the scale.  Good number or bad number?  Does it mean I can eat whatever or do I need to rope it in a bit today?  It was a horrible cycle to be in and I hated myself for it.

Then one day I stopped standing on that enemy.  I don't know why, but I did.  And about 2 weeks later, I didn't mind looking at myself in the mirror. My clothes still fit and I felt good about myself.  I started seeking God and His will for my life.  His revelations have been amazing.  I needed to find who I am in Christ.  Not who I am on the scale.  I need to seek His approval and His love, not my husbands!!!   Did you hear that?  Seek His (Christ) love and His (Christ) approval...Not my husbands.  My husbands approval will come when I am cemented in Christ!   And slowly and surely, I have learned to love my body.  I'm actually still a work in progress.  I still have moments of self doubt, but in order for me to be the best Christ wants me to be and to be the best wife and mother that I can be, I need to seek the Lord while He may be found.  That whole verse is this: Isaiah 55:6-7 "Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon Him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon."  I spend time with Him first thing in the morning.  It's what works for me.  But guess what I used to be doing first… yep, stepping on that stupid scale.  NO MORE!!  It's the most freeing feeling to be bound up in love for Christ.  Absolutely incredible!!  And on top of that, I haven't been to the gym regularly in about a month and I still like myself.  And I'm not beating myself up!  WOO HOO!!!  John 8:36 - "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!"

For the sake of my daughters, I am so relived that I don't live like this anymore (I did for about 2 years...a quiet, living hell!!).  I want my girls to love themselves for who they are in Christ and who they have been created to be.  Not to love themselves by what they look like.  How could I teach them that when I didn't even like myself?

I'm quite terrified to post this.  Honestly.  I don't want anyone to hate me.  Seriously.  My heart is pounding at the thought of laying myself so open for all to see… So, be kind.  Know that I'm just a mom who is on a journey, just like you.  Let's encourage one another and lift one another up.  1 Thessalonians 5:11 says "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."