The Death of Me

So, teenagerdom has hit full force today.  Seriously.  FULL FORCE people!  I could handle whatever life threw at us with these girls up until today.  

Today is Macy's first recital.  She is playing her guitar and singing a song for the first time in public.  I am so excited!  And she's scared out of her mind.  She just knows she's gonna fail.  I can totally relate to this because that is how I felt when I started singing solos.  I never accompanied myself, but I'm sure there is added pressure there.  WOW!  We have talked about singing for Jesus and always doing things for His glory, but the poor kid will have to know this after the recital -  that He is good... all the time.  Wether we perform well or poorly!

Then the other one just can't find a thing to wear.  GAH!!!  I just went through this the other day myself.  What is it about us women that we have to have the "perfect" outfit somedays???  It makes me crazy!  She's has pulled out no less than 15 things to wear and doesn't like any of them.  And her favorite verse is Proverbs 31:30 - "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."  But sometimes we just gotta have the right outfit!  

So now, here I am, as mom, placating a husband who cannot relate... AT ALL, comforting a child who is terrified and encouraging another child who desperatley needs the correct outfit!  I am so glad that we serve a God who can deal with all of this at one time and love us and encourage us thorough our trials because I'm sure I could be doing a better job....

I was just looking up Bible verses that pertain to this post and found this... couldn't be more perfect for both my girls... twins, imagine that!!  

Matthew 6:25-34 : 25 
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,

29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Thanks God!!!  <3

Social Media

Do follow your kids on every social media app they have on their electronic device?    Do you have any idea the kinds of things that are going on behind your back right in front of your face if you don't follow them?  Maybe it's time to pick up a phone or iPod or computer and start following your kids on Instagram, Facebook (did you know that back in October FB dropped it's safety barriers for teenagers!), kik, vine, snapchat (actually this shouldn't even be allowed to be accessed by teenagers!), Oovoo, Tumblr, Twitter, etc.  Follow their friends, too.  Keep your wits about you and don't comment on everything you don't agree with (Oh yeah, I'm totally preaching to myself here!) BUT if you see a red flag, then please, say something.  Last year the "harmful fun" on Instagram (or IG) was to make a frame with 4 or 5 faces in it and than hold a "contest" to see who was ugliest or least popular.  It is an awful game.  Our kids already have self esteem problems and now they're voting against each other?!  Thankfully, I had just read an article about this very demeaning process and knew what was going on so I intervened.  I made it perfectly clear that everyone is beautiful and that they should be building each other up and not tearing each other down.  Fortunately, this girl took it down and apologized for her lack of better judgement.  There isn't anything that the schools will do about it, so we as parents need to step up and take a proactive stance on these social media monsters.  Here's a snippet of what I see on IG every once in awhile.  You don't need to know who... just what....

Charming... Don't know what "BJ's" stands for in a typical teen mind? Go ask your kids.  I don't want my girls having to see or listen to this kind of rubbish.  I know some of it is unavoidable and we use that as a teaching tool.  I'm not ignorant, but I do wish that we would teach our children what is and isn't appropriate for public consumption!  AND I really wish that they knew them that everything they have ever posted is out there...Deleted or not.  You cannot undo what is done once it's on the internet.  EVER!

We need to teach our children that speech comes in the form of the typed word, even if it's only 140 characters ...Ephesians 4:29 says "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths (read: keyboard), but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear".  Here's another great verse I need to remember.... Ephesians 5:4,8-10 says "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.  8 - for at one time you were darkness, but now you are the light in the Lord.  Walk as children of the light for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true, and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord".

Our girls signed a cell phone contracts when they got their phones.  I followed this contract posted by my friend Susan at iMom.com.  Before that, when they got iPads and/or iPods they were required to sign contracts for them as well.  They know that their phones will be checked randomly and if we see things we don't like, they will loose their phones (or other electronics).  So far, so good.  It'll be interesting one day if one looses the phone and the other doesn't.  In the past, we have disciplined one and not the other and the one not punished usually takes the punishment anyway so they can "do things together".  Interesting dynamic these twins!

It's so easy to brush this whole social media thing under the rug when we don't understand how it all works.  I know.  My mom still can't belive how much I've grasped and actually use this thing we call technology!  However, I really do recommend finding a friend who understands all things social media, have her teach you what you need to know to get started and then get involved in what your kids are doing online.  Randomly check their phones.  Know their passwords at all times!  Follow their friends.  You may be surprised.  Sometimes pleasantly, sometimes not so much, but hey! at least you'll know!

So I will end with this.... Colossians 4:6 - "Let your speech (or online activity) always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."

Modesty

We as women have a responsibility to men everywhere to be modest.  You can put the weight back on them, and say that they just shouldn't look, but the truth is, God made them to appreciate and see beauty in women.  Therefore, we need to learn to look at ourselves 360* in a mirror to make sure we aren't putting anything out there that we wouldn't want some 14 year old kid looking (and yes, that age is looking!!) at.  Or heck, even a 94 year old dude.  Yeah, no matter how old they are, they are gonna look!!  I know this because my dad is in his early 70's and he still looks!  You may want to catch the eye of a certain guy, but dressing in a sexy way is actually going to catch the eye of every man that you pass in the restaurant or movie theater or Target or the mall or wherever else you may be.  And girls, there is a time and a place for a teeny-weeny bikini, but it's not at the beach or at a public pool or at a church event.  Respect men enough to put on a one piece or at the very least, a tankini.  Heck, respect yourself enough to cover up a bit and save your body for the man that God has picked out for you!  Leave something to the imagination!!

Proverbs 31:31 says "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."  And 1 Timothy 2:9-10 says "likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness - with good works."  NOW WAIT .... Before you go getting all mad at me, or Paul, about not being able to do your hair or wear jewelry, check this out : My ESV study Bible commentary says this "Paul addresses particular concerns in regard to each gender.  The issue for men is anger and for women it is modesty and proper submission.  "not with... gold or costly attire" Paul is not prohibiting the wearing of jewelry (see note on 1 Peter 3:3-4) the principle is that women should not dress ostentatiously or seductively, but in a way that is proper.  True doctrine produces good works."

There is a way to dress nicely and respectfully and also be attractive (see the book of Esther...she participated in beauty treatments but did not overindulge AND she caught the eye of King Xerses out of hundreds of women being paraded in front of him...now what does THAT say??!!)  

I love Pinterest because it's chock full of great outfits that aren't too trampy or sexy.  Here are a few pictures to get you thinking about how to dress modestly, yet attractively... (all photos are screenshots from my Pinterest account.  Some go directly to www.polyvore.com.)

Chic in jeans ... 

Cropped jeans, tucked in t-shirt (so as to not have the crack in the back (!)), a jacket in case it's cool inside and a sexy pair of heels.  Tres chic, as our French friend would say!

Casual and cute ...

Comfy pair of kahkis, plain white tee shirt, flat pair of sandals and a cute scarf.  Perfect for a day outing anywhere!

Beautiful tankini that I actually tried on at Everything But Water at our local mall.  It covers everything, yet is a bit on the sexy side... but not trashy!  Great for a "mixed" get together!!

And how cute is this tankini?  I love it!  Very youthful and free!  And not tacky!  See?  Swimsuits can attract attention... the RIGHT kind of attention!!!

For my plus sized readers... check out these fashions... straight off of Pinterest, too!

Shiny top, belted right under the bust to create a slimming line and fitted jeans rolled up with boots (or pair with flats or a shoe with a bit of a heel for a spring/summer look)!

Cute again!  Fitted jeans, striped top (oh yes she did!), WITH a tweed jacket to break up the stripes, kitten heels and a fun scarf.  Voila!  Sexy and modest!

How fun is this swimsuit?  She looks great!  And black is ALWAYS slimming!  Always!!  LOVE the ruffled edges!  AND hoop earrings.  What a great touch!!

Add a bit of color... don't be scared!  She's added some shades and pigtails (I don't recommend the pigtails, but that's just me!  LOL!!)  Some earrings and beauty by the pool!  

Happy Pinterest shopping!  I'm always eager to help you look your best and be your best.  Let me know if I can help.

Does the Scale Matter??

I'm a bit late from last week... or early for this week.  I'll let you be the judge.  I've been thinking about what to write about and the same thing keeps popping up.  And it has nothing to do with parenting and yet it has everything to do with parenting.

My body image.  Yep, I just brought that up.  And yes, I struggle(d) with my body image.  I think that I should do my daughters a favor and love myself for I am.  I've been praying about this lately and listening to our pastor preach and the one thing that keeps coming back to me over and over is that God created me and gave me healthy, wonderful twin girls. Psalm 139:1 says "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  And the fact that I don't look like I used to shouldn't bother me, but it does.  Every time I look in the mirror, or at a fitness magazine or fashion on Pinterest, I wish I could look like I used to.  sigh  "But you have wonderful, beautiful girls.  Shouldn't that be enough?"  And maybe it should.  But it doesn't.  I want my husband to think I'm still hot and desirable.  And most of the time he does (except all winter when I'm in sweats!), but I (me, myself) want to feel sexy in lingerie.  Is that too much to ask?  And yes, I go to the gym and workout.  Heck, I'm in the best shape of my life.  I eat better than I ever have.  So why can't I like my body, naked and in front of the mirror????  Then I stepped off the scale… literally.  This was a daily habit for me.  Ritualistic, actually.  Get up, pee and step on the scale.  Good number or bad number?  Does it mean I can eat whatever or do I need to rope it in a bit today?  It was a horrible cycle to be in and I hated myself for it.

Then one day I stopped standing on that enemy.  I don't know why, but I did.  And about 2 weeks later, I didn't mind looking at myself in the mirror. My clothes still fit and I felt good about myself.  I started seeking God and His will for my life.  His revelations have been amazing.  I needed to find who I am in Christ.  Not who I am on the scale.  I need to seek His approval and His love, not my husbands!!!   Did you hear that?  Seek His (Christ) love and His (Christ) approval...Not my husbands.  My husbands approval will come when I am cemented in Christ!   And slowly and surely, I have learned to love my body.  I'm actually still a work in progress.  I still have moments of self doubt, but in order for me to be the best Christ wants me to be and to be the best wife and mother that I can be, I need to seek the Lord while He may be found.  That whole verse is this: Isaiah 55:6-7 "Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon Him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon."  I spend time with Him first thing in the morning.  It's what works for me.  But guess what I used to be doing first… yep, stepping on that stupid scale.  NO MORE!!  It's the most freeing feeling to be bound up in love for Christ.  Absolutely incredible!!  And on top of that, I haven't been to the gym regularly in about a month and I still like myself.  And I'm not beating myself up!  WOO HOO!!!  John 8:36 - "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!"

For the sake of my daughters, I am so relived that I don't live like this anymore (I did for about 2 years...a quiet, living hell!!).  I want my girls to love themselves for who they are in Christ and who they have been created to be.  Not to love themselves by what they look like.  How could I teach them that when I didn't even like myself?

I'm quite terrified to post this.  Honestly.  I don't want anyone to hate me.  Seriously.  My heart is pounding at the thought of laying myself so open for all to see… So, be kind.  Know that I'm just a mom who is on a journey, just like you.  Let's encourage one another and lift one another up.  1 Thessalonians 5:11 says "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

No More Bullies!!

There is an author whom I have just recently come to admire.  She's getting ready to publish a trilogy of books about bullying.  And I believe, if you are a woman or a girl, you have been the bully and you've been bullied.  We are all inherently mean girls!  Yep, me too!  I have a really mean side somedays and I have to ask the Lord over and over again to tame my mean girl inside…self control feels nearly impossible some days!  It's really frustrating and, if you're honest with yourself, I'm sure you can identify with me.

Here's a little background of what Nancy Rue has been writing about…
   "The Mean Girl Makeover trilogy came about as a result of my work with tween girls who, almost to a girl, have lamented that they have been bullied, that they’re witnessing bullying and they don’t know what to do about it, or (this may surprise you) they realize that they’ve joined in and become bullies themselves to avoid becoming targets. When I did some research, I discovered that:
·        One out of four kids ages 8 to 17 are bullied regularly
·        43% experience cyberbullying (Internet, cell phone, etc.)
·        Each day in the U.S. 160,000 students miss school for fear of being bullied
·       Every 7 minutes a child is bullied on a school playground. Adult intervention: 4%. Peer intervention: 11%. No intervention: 85%
   As I watched the age of girls featured in bully-related suicide news stories fall lower and lower, I felt the divine nudge to do something, and for me that something is “Write stories for them so they’ll know what to do.”

   When I approached Tommy Nelson (children’s division of Thomas Nelson Publishing), I was astonished to find out that nothing has been done for this age group in Christian publishing. Why on earth not? Jesus talks about bullying all THROUGH the Gospels, and he doesn’t just say, “Don’t do this.” He says, “Here’s how to step in, here’s now to stand up, here’s how to stop.” The result of our putting our heads together is the Mean Girl Makeover trilogy which tells one continuing story of a group of sixth graders, from the point of view of three different protagonists. The first book, SO Not Okay, is seen through the eyes of a bystander who learns how to step in. The second, You Can’t Sit Here, features the victim who learns how to stand up. The third – and the most unusual – Sorry I’m Not Sorry, is told by the bully herself who learns how to stop." *copied from an emial from Nancy Rue

I'm pretty excited to be a part of this as my girls have been the brunt of bullying in the past and I'm sure they have their moments of being mean girls themselves.  Heck, I hear it at home when we've been snowed in for one or more days!  LOL!!  They start to get a little mean toward each other.  I guess we're just wired that way and we need to go to scripture and see that we are created to be loving and kind to one another.  Let's see… 

*Proverbs 15:1-2 says "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  The tongue of the wise commends knowledge but the mouths of fools pour out folly."  (Oh, how many times do we speak out of anger only to regret what we have said?)

*Ephesians 4:32 says "Be KIND to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."  (Forgiveness can be quite elusive some days, right?)

And for us as moms when we get ready to scream and yell at our kids either out of anger for because our hormones are all jacked up… 

*Proverbs 31:26 says "She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."  OUCH!  This one hurts.  Sometimes I open my mouth and it's not very full of wisdom.   This ties in nicely with James 1:19 which says "Know this, my beloved brothers (or sisters) : let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger."  How often do we snap at our kids because they are calling us and we are "busy" doing something else (that is probably not all that important)?   After all, we have been given our children as a gift from God and they are, next to our husbands, our most important mission field!  We are to raise them to seek after God.  How can we do that if we are seeking after other things and not giving them the attention they need and deserve?

Ok, back to bullying… I digressed.  (No surprise there!)  So, we are still praying that we see some classmates through the eyes of Jesus, like I mentioned last week in my post.  I think this will be an ongoing learning curve, I'm sure.  But as it draws us closer to Jesus, the more like Him we will be and that's good stuff right there!!  I'll be posting more about Nancy's books in the weeks to come.  In the mean time, here's a glimpse of her first cover - "So NOT Okay"

A First for Everything

We all have to have firsts, right?  Well, here's to my first blog of thoughts.  My other blog is a photo blog and that's easy.  Just shoot and post.  This one, well, it's a little more tricky.  I have been thinking about doing a blog now for quite a few years.  I also had someone joke with me once about writing a book about raising twins.  That stuck with me…the power of our words, folks, is incredible!  Then for the last 2 days, after I'd spent sometime in prayer, I get 2 nudges of doing a blog, so here I sit, in my kitchen, and I've just created my life musings of being the mother of twin girls.  God in His infinite wisdom knows WAY more than I do and I figure I'm writing this for my own benefit.  After all, who the heck really cares?  I'm certainly not the first mom of twins to ever write a blog.  And I'm not completely hilarious or a wordsmith that will suck you in on the first sentence.  I AM, however, completely and brutally honest!  LOL!!  

My husband & I have been married for 21 years and we have twin 13 year old daughters.  We just entered teen-dom!  WHEW!  I am a somewhat strict mom and so they know what to expect from me (and my husband).  There are days when I love my job and there are days when I'm ready to turn in my termination notice and my hubby always tells me that I'm not allowed to quit!  Seriously?  Sheesh!!  Whatever!!  

Right now life is teaching us how to love the unloveable.  There are kids at school who are truly hard to love and we as Christians are called to love them.  That means we need to pray for our own heart and our own eyes.  Mark 12:30-31 ESV says "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this: "You shall love the your neighbor as yourself."  There is no other commandment greater than these."  Teaching them to try to see their peers through God's eyes is both challenging and rewarding.  When we truly surrender our heart to God's will and wanting (and needing) to see others as God's creations, we learn to have compassion towards others….heck, we learn to have compassion towards everyone!  That's exciting stuff!!

I trust that the Lord has a plan in all of this and I trust in Him to get us through the rough spots.  We also praise Him when things are going well.  And so goes the start of my journey of blogging….